I find myself constantly questioning what I should be doing with my life and for the 1st time I am going to go to my blog friends to ask advice.Ok - it all comes down to this - Should I stay home and be with the kids or work? Should we move to Fort Worth or stay in Houston?
Now wait a minute.... I know that all my Fort Worth friends will say move back to Fort Worth and all my Houston friends will say stay here.
I really need to get my thoughts down so here goes some very serious ramblings......
I feel a very strong need to be home with my kids at this time, I know that I have always worked and I have always enjoyed my work. But, my kids really need me and I need to be there for them in the mornings and when they come home from school. I feel extremely guilty that this pressure in my heart to stay home has appeared after all my kids have already started school. Doesn't most moms stay home while their kids are little and then go to work when they are in school? I am a little backwards - does this make me crazy? And I promise you, I have been trying to ignore this desire to stay home for about a year now and I just can't seem to ignore it any longer. (the reasons could go on and on and on)
So it sounds like decision made.... NO - I am scared to death! What if we can't make it on one salary? What if I spend too much money or get bored or jealous of John for working or feel that I am not accomplishing much (remember that all my girls are in school all day) what if I get lazy and what if I am a terrible housewife and what if I hate it or John thinks I am now lazy and not doing much? The "what ifs" could keep going.
Then there is the decision of where to live - John has a great job (thanks to Metro Code) in Fort Worth - we can not find a job as good or the same pay in Houston and we have been looking for him for over a year. He doesn't mind driving back in forth temporarily but feels like the kids are growing up without him. My mom and dad are letting him stay at their house during the week and I know they would like to have their house back to themselves again sometime. Although - I fear my personal pull to go back to my love of Metro Code, which brings on a whole different problem.
I do love the family business, I love Metro Code with all my heart, I grew up and learned so much there. But, I was never good at just doing the job and not taking it home, I lived there mentally at all times and did not know how to turn the switch off. I was ignoring my family, my church and myself, I did not realize that until after I left. When I left I could not tell you why I had to go, I just did. Over the past 2 years I have learned a lot more, 1st I was very lucky to have a job where everyone loved me and I loved them. I was lucky to have the position I did, I had great clients, staff and family and regardless of how much the City drove me crazy I loved the challenges they gave me. I love CODE, I love Inspections and I love problem solving. I miss public speaking and the debate, I miss the problem solving. Most of all I miss my close family relationships, and the staff.
In saying all of this - I realize that I have a strong fear of going back to Fort Worth - I fear being so close to Metro Code that I will want to be back where I once was (not that they will take me :) ) where I am ALL Metro Code and I forget about my family, church and myself. This is a personal problem that I had and I realize it and do not want it to happen again.
In Houston right now we love our neighbors and our church family, I love my calling and my friends. I HATE moving, I do not want to move the girls again, Rachel is in High School its just not fair to her. But, I miss being so close to my mom and my sisters (my baby sister is pregnant with her first child and I don't want to miss this great time with her). We love our family and they are mostly all in Fort Worth and Arlington we want to be near them.
Lastly, I feel like I have made some bad decisions in the past (the move to El Paso) and I don't want to make this huge decision (to move or not to move - to work or not to work) without full knowledge that I am making the BEST decision.
Ok - Now that I have rambled on and on and most likely made no sense - I want to apologize if I offended anyone in this text - I just wanted to honestly state my feelings and see if anyone has any thoughts for me or will make this decision for me, please???
John and I will keep pondering - and we will be fasting - and we need to be on our knees in prayer lots more, I know! But.... I am so scared to make these decisions and say that we have made the final decision, and I know that I am confusing everyone around me - so this is my way of explaining.
Where we are leaning right now..... I need stop working by the time the kids get out of school for the summer........and Fort Worth is calling to us to return this summer. If this is the right decision - why am I so sad and scared? UGH!
11 comments:
Your not weird or crazy, those are some major things to think about. We love you and want what is best for you. We will support you in all that you decide.
Michelle,
I know this is a very hard decision to make. The ultimate answer will only come from Heavenly Father. I thought I would share with you a few feelings I had when making the same decision. When Maddie was one I had a great job working from home, my bosses had created the position for me, to keep me from quitting. It was an awesome salary and benefits. However, after a year of letting the TV babysit her I could no longer ignore the guilt. This came at a terrible time when Seth was getting ready to start grad school. However, in all my prayer and fasting I KNEW that 10 or 15 or 20 years from now I would not look back and say that I regretted spending too much time with my kids. I would not regret giving up the fancy cars and houses etc. I would NOT still miss my job and wish I had more money. I WOULD however look back and regret that I did not have enough time with them, that I missed great things going on in their schools, and in their lives, etc. It was a tough decision which required us to make many sacrifices over the years, but it has been almost 8 years and I have yet to regret it. We do not live fancy lives and money is often tight, but we have NEVER wanted for anything. I would not worry about living off of one income. Heavenly Father truly provides when you are doing the best you can. I know you will make the right decision. Go with your heart, talk to your children and get their input. Good luck!
Here, let me make your decisions for you...:)
I've worked and I've stayed at home: Stay at home.
I've lived close to family, I've lived far from family: Move to be closer to your family.
I've had my husband home, I've had him gone a ton for work: Make it so you can have your husband home.
I could tell you a million reasons why for all those things, but mostly it just leads back to being a whole, happy, healthy family. Those are my 2 cents, anyway! :)
-Stacey
Oh decisions are the hardest! I've been battling with them myself and I drive everyone around me crazy with what ifs, and questions. From reading, you seem to know what is right - it is just scary. Scary helps us grow. I loved with the other women said. I know as well that the Lord will bless your family if you decide to live off of one income. It might be tight, but blessings will come in other ways.
Good luck with the decision making. You'll know what is right. Right doesn't equal easy though. Sometimes right is really hard!
I agree with Stacey, though, I've never worked outside of home. The kids would probably love living closer to family. I live an hour from family and wish I lived closer. I just pulled my kids out to homeschool them. They will be gone soon, I feel, even though the oldest is 8, time goes fast. But you definitely need to find something for you that makes you happy as far as work or hobby, that will satisfy you. If you went back to Metro, you'd have to create balance. I bet you could do it on one salary. Dave Ramsey has great advise on that. There are so many choices to make and change is the one constant in life. Good luck!
-Make a list of all the decisions you need to make.
-Listen to the Spirit that has been prompting you. You know which ones are the Holy Spirit ( Gal 5:22-23 ) and which are from satan (<- fear).
-Make decisions and take them to the Lord in prayer and fasting and see if what you've decided is right. If not, go back to your list and rethink things and make another plan. (lather, rinse, repeat!)
-At the very least, get your families name on the Temple prayer rolls. This is a seriously powerful tool that (IMHO) most people don't take advantage of.
-Stop worrying what other people will think. This concerns your family and their well being. Of course your decisions affect loads of friends and extended family, but you have to do what is right for you and the rest will follow (or not, if they aren't true friends and loving family).
-Family Council
Note: If your decision is to move back to Ft Worth, I'm going to miss you...and sweating with you in the Hunt's garage! :)
I actually don't have advice for you, since it sounds like you probably already know what is best for you and your family, but I just wanted to let you know that I have faith in you and trust that you will make the right decision and that you will feel right about it as you move forward. Good luck!
Michelle, I had some of the same feelings when George joined the Army and I was given the oppportunity to stay home. I felt guilty since the kids were older and did not seem to need me home. But I love it now and I see that the spirit is in our home more since I am able to focus all of my efforts on the family and I am not running off to work everyday. I am also able to serve more in the church. Things come up all the time with the kids or with George and I say "Wow, I would not have been able to do this, if I was working."
Yes, finances might be tight in the beginnning and you might have to learn to live without as we had to do. But the most important is that the family is able to spend more time together.
Those are tough decisions and if you want to do a fast with some support we would be happy to fast with you guys. Just let us know if we can help.
WOW, you have some amazing friends. I agree with ALL of them. You know what would make us happy.. but it is about YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Just remember, you have to make your decision and THEN ask the Lord if it is right. Satan is so good at this game. Stay focused and go to the temple.We too, will fast if you need us to. I love you all so much and my heart aches for you because I know how scary this is with all you have been through the last several years. I WILL find you a house, you just have to say the words,,, I will spend every spare moment looking....:) Thanks goodness the cops haven't found me...he, he ,he!!!! We really needto repent for tresspassing!!! LOVE YOU!
Sounds like great advise! If you move up here when school is out, you have the whole summer to spend with your girls (and US of course). I think you will find that being with your girls and unpacking from your move that you will be plenty busy. You will be ready for a break when school starts back up. You will find that your day will speed by staying a home! I promise!! You will be able to volunteer at the girls school and eat lunch with them during the week. Just remember you have a NEW job now! It may not pay out in money but you will be abundantely blessed from your Father in Heaven and so will your family. He knows what a hard choice this is for you.
I've gone bsck and forth between a working mom and a stay at home mom for all of my kids lives. It was very hard to adjust to being a stay at home mom so I kept going back to work. I eventually adjusted tho and I have now been a stay at home mom longer than I was a working mom.I do work from (babysitting) home to keep from going insane. I know this sounds crazy but my kids seem to need me more now that they are older than they did when they were younger. Now they need help with homework and band practice and drama practice and and they want me to be there for every thing they have to do. They also seem to need me more in the mornings. 3 of my 4 kids are not morning people and if i were workning i would be screaming at them and rushing them out the door but since I don't work we can take it slower in the morning and if they miss the bus i can drive them to school. They are much happier through out the day when they aren't rushed in the morning and they do better in school. I have had to cut back on the hours that I babysit because my kids need me so much more lately and I think I may have to give up watching kids all together if they get any busier but i think we'd do fine without my income.
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